Thursday, April 12, 2007

With It, I'm Not

I guess I'm going through some sort of delayed winter funk (since it's very nearly winter temperatures here). I'm feeling foggy, down, and just not with it. I imagine that's how the poor huddling tulips feel in this dreary, cold, windy weather. Where's the sun to come cheer us up?

April has long been my favorite month. It usually had Easter, sometimes Spring Break--which meant a trip to my Grandma T's, always my Birthday, and my Grandma's birthday a day before mine.

My Grandma passed away last July. She had been sick for a long time, but it was and is still very hard. I had a very special relationship with my Grandma and I'm not sure there's a day that goes by now that I don't think about her in one way or another.

April brings those memories to the forefront even moreso than perhaps any other time in the past months since she's been gone. Even when I couldn't visit, April was always our month. We'd talk about what wildflowers were blooming in her woods, what the sunsets were looking like. When I'd visit we'd hunt for Dutchman's Britches, violets, Spring Beauties, Anemones, and any other early bloomer. In the evening, we'd sit on her couch in front of her large window and watch the sun set over the wooded hill. I was her only Grandchild that really got into the wildflowers and the sunsets and the hikes through wet woods. And, now that she's gone I don't have anyone to share that with.

Maybe that's as much the funk I'm in than anything else, I'm missing that time with her and feeling a bit empty because of it.


Violets at My Grandma's house a few years ago:

1 comment:

Pablo said...

Sorry about your empty feeling. I had a grandmother like that as well. I'm nearly at the stage, however, of being ready to become a grandparent like that myself, so the cycle continues.

pablo
www.roundrockjournal.com